I don’t know about you and your family, but we used to watch the old Charlton Heaston version of the 10 Commandments on the prime time station ever Easter. Our favorite scene was when Nefertiti steps out on the balcony and says “Moses”. I know seriously just one word is our favorite part, but just the way she says it, in her deep sultry voice, it got us every time. Anyway in honor of Easter I found another 10 commandments that will help you with your thrift store finds and other used furniture questions.
1. Thou Shalt Look for Tags – This should be first on the checklist: flip the piece over and see if there’s a tag. If it says IKEA, boohoo. If it looks like it’s from the 70s and reads Thayer Coggin, put a sheet and some caution tape around it as camouflage, then run — don’t walk — to find someone help you haul it home.
Random side note: This isn’t to say that you can’t take home the IKEA item; just don’t invest money in re-doing it. One woman bought a side table at some random secondhand store. I think it was like $20 and it reminded her of some other tables so she quickly bought it. As soon as she got it home, she flipped it over and — lo and behold — there was the dreaded Walmart sticker. She shouldn’t have even paid twenty bucks for it especially since she had to refinish it.
2. Honor Thy Lines – It’s all about looking past the baby-puke green or cat-shredded fabric that’s on it now, and envisioning what it could look like in a luxurious velvet material, or a solid neutral. Squint if you have to. Never judge a book by it’s cover, and never judge a piece of furniture by it’s material.
3. Thou Shalt Not Worship False Furniture – If you’re not sure of its origin, or don’t care, then just take a look at the quality of the construction. Does it look like solid wood or veneered MDF? Are the joints dovetailed, or just nailed or held together with hardware? Is it sturdy? In this age of knock-offs, make sure you are looking at the real deal, and not just crappy furniture posing as something nicer.
4. Thou Shalt Sit On It – It’s one thing if it’s pretty (or has the potential). It’s a whole other thing if it’s the most uncomfortable thing you’ve sat on since the concrete amphitheater of 2008. If you hate how it feels now, you’ll hate it even more $500 – 1000 later.
5. Thou Shalt Examine Any Cushions – Foam is actually pretty pricey, so if you can re-use existing cushions, it’ll save you some money. If the foam is as hard as a rock, and crumbles under your fingertips, it’s time to add another line item to the reupholstery budget. If the foam’s still firm, then all you’ll need is new covers.
6. Be Not Afraid of Simple Fixes – If a table has just a few scratches, and only needs minimal love, consider whipping out your own mouse sander and spending an hour or so on it. Similarly, it’s easy to replace a cushion if that’s all a chair needs. Chances are good that the results will outshine any effort.
7. Thou Shalt Not Kill Strong Odors (Easily) – If a cat peed on the sofa at some point, it may have gone down deep to the cushions. If there is a strong smell of kitty, or smoke, know that there is vinegar in your furniture’s future. Be sure to sniff.
8. Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness to Your Wallet – Don’t get swept up in that $60 price tag, without considering the very real expense of getting it re-done. Even with re-usable cushions, you’ll still have to purchase yards of fabric, then pay someone to upholster it. Mentally calculate what it will really cost you when all is said and done. Is it worth the expense?
9. Thou Shalt Not Covet – This is easy to ignore in the excitement of finding something that you really like. Do you really need it, and do you have space for it, both before and after it gets redone?
10. Remember Your Day of Rest – If it’s a large piece, you’ll likely have to find help moving it, and you might have to rent a van to get it home, then again to the re-upholsterer. Is it worth sacrificing a part of your precious weekend, before you even factor in the cost? Do you want to spend your time sanding off scratches? If you work hard and have limited time off, sometimes it’s okay to forgo a time-consuming project, and head out to brunch and the farmers market instead.
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