Sometimes saying “no” is the hardest thing to do, even though it’s the thing we want to say the most. When people notice that you agree to everything or tend to take everything on, they will take advantage of it. You’ll end up working every night and weekend, you’ll end up with all the less than desirable tasks and eventually you’ll end up as everyone’s punching bag. But how do you do it? Well it takes practice. Here are some tips on how to say “no” and mean it.
Identify what’s most important to you. Acknowledge what’s not. Before you can so no with confidence be clear where and when you want to say no. Know where you want to spend your time otherwise you’ll never be entirely confident when you say it.
Before you say no, realize that most the time when people request your help, it’s because they trust you and believe in your talents. Thank them for thinking of you and decline respectfully.
Realize that you’re not rejecting the person, just the invitation. Make that clear. Let them know that you respect them, maybe even admire the project they’re asking about and again thank them for thinking of you. Being kind and polite, even if you don’t particularly like the individual, will keep them from feeling rejected.
A reason doesn’t need to have details, but you do need one. Maybe you’re too busy or you don’t feel like the project is suited for you, either way be honest about why you’re saying no.
Some people won’t take no for an answer. This can be particularly hard for someone who doesn’t like to say it in the first place. Without ignoring any of the tips above, give your self to be as pushy as they are.
Start by choosing easy, low risk situations to practice with. Say no when someone tries to sell you something on the street. If your food isn’t to your liking, tell the waiter no when they ask. Start building your no muscle.
We all know those people who tend to ask for more than their share. This can sometimes be burdensome. In those cases, it’s best to say no before the request even comes in. Let them know that you’re focusing on a couple of things in your life and trying to reduce your obligations. If this person happens to be your boss, schedule a meeting with them to narrow down where you should be spending your time- you only have so much of it. If they ask you to do something else, ask them which task they’d like you to switch it out for.
Saying no takes courage. You may feel like you’re a bad friend or that you’re letting someone down. You may worry that they’ll talk about you behind your back or view you in a negative light. You need to ask yourself is reclaiming your time and life worth it? That may be the cost.
When you’ve practiced the art of saying no, you’ll notice that you’re spending less time doing other people’s errands, you’ll be working less, and you’ll feel happier. No one likes being weighed down with tasks, especially when they’re not our own. Even if you have to practice saying it in a room by yourself before you can say it to someone’s face, do it. You’ll be happier that you did.
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